On learning to make choices

Hedonism VS asceticism and stoicism / do it for the plot VS no contact?

Mar 14, 2024

I have found myself countless times trying to pick between focusing on the now, satisfying my cravings & ignoring all future consequences, and restraining myself & choosing discipline and long-term happiness.

I have spent countless hours being at war with myself, where one side of me screams ‘I’m only 24, this is the time to do whatever I want with no restraints’ and the other one shouts ‘No! You need to practice self-control and sacrifice some temporary satisfaction for the sake of your future goals and happiness’.

I have cried countless hours, either because I chose the first path and it turned out to be self-destructive, or because I chose the second path and I have to accept that I’ll never experience what I crave.

So, I can’t help but wonder: How can we make the best possible choices?

In our crazy 20s when we’re trying to figure out ourselves and the rest of the world simultaneously, decision-making seems harder than ever.
Should I ‘do it for the plot’ and yolo my way into another self-destructive situationship because I want the excitement, fun and validation? Or should I choose to discipline myself, endure some boredom, and choose relationships that are aligned with my long-term goals?
Should I follow my heart, travel the world, work at cafes part-time and live paycheck-to-paycheck, or should I put those dreams on a shelf, focus on building the foundations for my career, and invest in my future?
Should I go clubbing tonight to live my 20s to the fullest and acquire new experiences, or should I stay in and wake up early to workout in order to achieve my wellness and physique goals?

Short-term VS long-term vision. Instant gratification VS delayed gratification. Self-destruction VS self-control. Hedonism VS ascetisism?

I was talking with a friend the other day about a burning desire I was fighting through, wondering if it’s worth giving into your cravings if it means you’re hurting yourself in the long run. And he said something completely new to me: “You can’t live hedonistically, it is not sustainable.” And I was like, wait. There’s something here.

Hedonism is a philosophical stance that prioritizes the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain as the primary goals of life. It often involves seeking immediate gratification and maximizing personal pleasure and enjoyment in the present moment without much consideration for the long-term consequences.

I AM trying to live hedonistically. I am trying to prioritize pleasure, in hopes of avoiding the pain of the “what if”, the pain of unfulfilled fantasies. I am trying to maximize my pleasure and enjoyment in the present moment, no matter the catastrophic consequences that may bring. I am trying to prioritize immediate gratification, without thinking of my actions’ effects on myself and others.

On one hand, yay hedonism! We are eternal, divine spiritual beings that incarnated on this earth to enjoy the human experience and we do live on a floating rock after all. Giving in to your cravings feels great, and it’s true that the future isn’t guaranteed. Living for the now sounds dreamy.
On the other hand, boo hedonism. I don’t want to be an impulsive, miserable person who is addicted to instant gratification and fleeting pleasures, constantly chasing the next high and desperately running from the pain. I don’t want to be shallow and egocentric, unable to reach big long-term goals, fulfillment, or maintain meaningful relationships. I don’t want to be weak, feeling helpless at the mercy of my human urges.

So what do I do?

Once I had that realization, I immediately started researching, and that was when I came across asceticism and stoicism. These two philosophies combined, pretty much represent the opposite of hedonism:

Asceticism emphasizes self-discipline, self-denial, and the renunciation of worldly pleasures. It often involves sacrificing immediate gratification for spiritual or moral purposes. This contrasts with hedonism, which prioritizes the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain as the primary goals of life.

Stoicism promotes inner peace and contentment through self-control, rationality, and acceptance of the natural order of the universe. While Stoicism does not necessarily advocate for the complete renunciation of pleasure, it emphasizes virtue and living by principles, which may involve moderation in the pursuit of pleasure. This contrasts with hedonism, which prioritizes immediate personal pleasure without regard for consequences or moral principles.

At that point, I was feeling so lost and desperate, that I’d try anything. And so I did.
I decided to test these philosophies out for a bit, put my compulsive ‘do it for the plot’ side on the shelf, and try self-control, discipline, and delayed gratification. Try replacing hedonism with asceticism/stoicism.
I’m talking about how I handle my work, my relationship, my everyday life, everything.
I noticed that even though I had to endure some temporary suffering due to drowning my cravings and denying instant gratification, I ended up with the intense satisfaction of being able to control my human urges, and the exquisite pride of choosing, protecting, and respecting my current and future self. It felt so refreshing!

Now, as a crazy Sagittarius, I find myself falling back into the hedonistic way of thinking often, but here are a few pointers that help me re-align myself:

✿ Betraying yourself is way more destructive than you might think ✿ When you choose to live hedonistically and chase pleasure while ignoring all the consequences, most of the time you end up betraying and hurting yourself. For example, you do that by entering yet another situationship and accepting horrible behavior for the sake of some moments of pleasure and excitement, or by eating junk food and skipping your workouts for the sake of temporary enjoyment and comfort, instead of respecting and improving your body. Every time you break a promise you made to yourself, you make choices without factoring in their effects on your long-term happiness, or you prioritize fleeting pleasure over your wellbeing, you're creating a disharmony within yourself. If you don’t protect, respect, and help yourself, who will? Remember: the cravings, the pleasure, and the pain come and go. The self-resentment and the lack of self-trust, stay. They stay and they create a negative static background noise that affects every part of your life. Think twice before acting hedonistically, is it really worth it?
✿ Living in the now: the right way ✿ If you are a spiritual person like me, you’ve probably been hearing ‘live for the now’ and ‘the present moment is all that exists’ since day 1. Focusing solely on the now is charming and very useful in our journey, but there needs to be balance. Of course you should focus on the now to achieve peace of mind and access the immense benefits of presence. However, unless you’re a monk in a monastery, you ought to factor in your choices’ consequences and your future self before you act. There is a big difference between fixating on the future and planning for it. I’ve come to realize that living hedonistically, chasing pleasure and living for instant gratification is not excused by ‘living in the now’. The present moment is also the bridge that will lead you to your long-term goals and it should be treated accordingly. Make sure the way you treat the present moment now doesn’t create hell on earth for your future self later.
✿ Choose your sacrifice ✿ The concept of sacrifice can be a hard pill to swallow, but it’s an essential part of our human nature. Every choice you make has a price and we have to deal with opportunity cost. With every tiny choice you make, you sacrifice something. By choosing to live hedonistically, most of the time you intentionally sacrifice your long-term happiness and wellbeing for temporary pleasure. You satisfy your craving, but you also sacrifice a future goal. By following the principles of stoicism and asceticism, you sacrifice that pleasure but gain intense fulfillment/pleasure and self-respect later on. You sacrifice that potential exciting experience, to achieve a goal later on. So, you need to make peace with the concept of sacrifice, weigh your options, and see what’s more valuable to you, which sacrifice is worth it more. Make your choices carefully and make sure to stand by them when the time to face their consequences comes.
✿ Pleasure and pain: now or later? ✿ One of the realizations that lit up a bulb above my head, was that no matter what choice you make, you will experience the pleasure and pain it produces at a certain point in time. If you make a choice based on instant gratification (hedonism), you will experience the pleasure it offers now, and the pain it will bring later on. For example, if you choose to cheat on your partner now, you will obtain the pleasure it offers now, and the pain of your relationship being destroyed later on. However, if you practice self-control and delayed gratification (stoicism), you will experience the pain your choice produces now, and the pleasure it will bring later on. For example, if you choose to control yourself and not cheat on your partner, you will experience dissatisfaction and pain now, and the pleasure of a happy, fulfilling relationship later on. So, think: is the current pleasure more valuable than the future pain? Is the current pain worth it for the future pleasure?
✿ For there to be light, there needs to be darkness ✿ Being able to satiate every craving and scratch every itch may sound enticing, but if given the chance, you would quickly decline. Just think: If you could eat junk food daily with no consequences, would it deliver the same satisfaction as eating it once a month? If you could immediately have your dream job without working for it, would it even matter to you? If you could find your life partner on the first try with no fights or sacrifices, how boring and meaningless would that feel? Without pain and sacrifice, pleasure and attainment lose all meaning. Pain and sacrifice are essential and beautiful parts of human nature. They are portals of healing and growth. They are the darkness that allows light to be. Accepting and embracing them immediately stops unnecessary suffering, debunks the victim mentality, and increases the intensity of pleasure. By living hedonistically, pleasure quickly loses its effect over time, turning life into a boring flat line, instead of an exciting rollercoaster of highs and lows. If you want a vibrant, fulfilling life, embrace and celebrate sacrifice & delayed gratification.
✿ The spiritual side of things ✿ I’ve struggled with accepting sacrifice and self-control because aren’t we like divine souls that incarnated in this 3D plane to relish human pleasures and gather as many experiences as possible? Why would I have to sacrifice my wants and suppress my cravings? Hedonism sounds kinda legit. Well, it took me a while to realize that our mission here on earth is also to transcend our egoic nature, let go of attachments and our dependence on worldly pleasure, and help our souls evolve. You see, there’ll always be self-destructive temptations and cravings. Until you teach your ego to behave, you’ll feel helpless and miserable. Our goal here is to learn to control our human urges and become the master of ourselves. Now, stoicism and asceticism sound kinda legit too.
So, be mindful: are you serving your ego or your soul? The soul is eternal: it isn’t in a hurry, it doesn’t rely on instant gratification. It is all-knowing: it has a wider perspective and wants to protect all versions of you. It is loving and compassionate: it cares for your actions’ effects on you and others. It loves stoicism and asceticism. The ego is short-sighted, self-centered, insatiable, and always in a hurry: a perfect match for hedonism. If your goal is to awaken to your divine nature, contribute to your soul’s evolution, and live the fulfilling life you deserve, consider leaving hedonism behind.
✿ Going with your heart: a dangerous cute pink bow ✿ On that note, it’s important to mention that we often confuse going with our hearts with our insatiable ego, using it as an excuse to embody hedonism and make questionable self-destructive choices. Our heart center is an immensely powerful guidance system that we can rely on to help us on our journey. We often mix up the signals though, not realizing that it’s actually our ego talking. So, the question is: Is your heart telling you to follow that path or is it just that your ego is hyper-fixated on that experience/path and it has idolized it? Is it your calling or is it just something exciting, shiny, and new? In other words, are you truly following your heart by maintaining a soul-crushing situationship? Or is it just for the excitement and validation your ego craves and you decided to put a cute pink bow on it and say “I’m following my heart”? Are you listening to your heart, or is it masked hedonism?
✿ It’s not black and white ✿ With all that being said, please refrain from attaching your identity to a specific philosophy. Instead, allow your identity to be fluid and try to embody the best of both worlds. You can’t suppress every craving, but you can’t give in to every one too, especially in your tricky 20s when you’re figuring out yourself and the world. Every situation and phase of your life is different and calls for a different approach. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, take your time to experiment, and soon enough you’ll build the ideal mix of philosophies that suits you. Leave your ego out of it and enjoy the process!

Well, that’s pretty much it for this essay, I’ve blabbered enough! Hehe
I hope this piece made you think and challenge your mindset/perspective.

Please share your thoughts with me on this below in the comments, via DM, on social media, or via email (oncalliopesclooud@hotmail.com).
I’m more than excited to hear your perspective and discuss! ♥

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