Heeeya. I'm once again writing so that my head doesn't explode and I don't drown in my feelings, how cute. The current astrology is really doing it for me I swear...
On today's rant, let's talk about making peace with our choices and staying sane when dating (and in general) cause nowadays things are wild out there.
So I've been flirting with this boy for some weeks now and we got together a few days ago.
I decided, as always, to leave the games aside, show my intentions, and do what I want. And so I did. And it was indeed a lot of fun! Yay me.
Or boo me?
Because, after being ignored since then, I'm currently sitting here wondering if I handled the situation correctly. If I should've been less available, less open, less... me I guess. Was I too much? Did he gain the upper hand? Did he get what he wanted and now he's bored of me? Did I do something to scare him away or turn him off?
Those are just some of the thoughts going through my mind all day, but I still chose to text him to test the waters. And oh boy, you should've seen my face when I saw his lame, one-word reply.
You see, I don’t know if it’s because of the actual differences between a woman’s and man’s brain, because of the current messed up dating culture (will talk about this in a future entry), or because of my bruised ego, but I simply cannot comprehend the whole ‘being-cold-after-being-so-warm’ behavior.
And you know what's worse? Literally 80% of my single friends are going through the same situation. Why are boys like that right now? Why do they give 100% to a girl and then go to 0% in 24 hours like nothing happened? Why are the feminine and masculine energies so badly imbalanced? Why has this become a universal (and normalized!) experience?
Back to us though, what do we do now, you little "do what you want, you don't have anything to lose" dumb-o?
I'll tell you what we do.
Now that I've stated my stance and put myself out there, I can take a step back and detach. I can relax, knowing that the ball is in his court right now.
While doing so, in order to stay sane and not pull a Britney breakdown, I will constantly remind myself that:
There's no point in making up 4829 different scenarios about why he's acting the way he is. Everybody has their own reality and perspective, and everybody is responsible for their actions/reactions. It's not your job to justify his behavior or solve the riddle, you're just wasting your precious energy. If he wants to express himself, good. If he doesn't, thank you next: this isn't Gossip Girl.
DO. NOT. create an ideal, fantasy version of someone in your head and then get disappointed/angry when they don't meet that. That's practically insane. Judge from what you can see only, don't apply your beliefs, expectations, values, etc. to others, and don't get your hopes up unrealistically.
I'm super proud of myself for being true to myself, honest, and bravely straightforward. As long as I did what I wanted and had fun, it doesn't concern me whether it works out between us or he ghosts me for eternity. If he does, it's his loss for losing such a fiery, sexy Sagittarius. I'm looking for compatible and obsessed. Not cowardly and problematic.
I stand by my past decisions and actions because it was exactly what I wanted in that moment. Given that, there's no reason to feel shame, guilt, or regret for following my heart and making myself happy. But even in my weakest hour, I'd still choose regrets over "what ifs". Yolo baby.
Everything happens for a reason and the universe is always conspiring in my favor. What may seen as negative right now, may be just what I need. Rejection is redirection. I see things neutrally or positively and accept the now as it is. All that matters is that I remain kind to myself, feel all the emotions that need to be felt, and practice acceptance + surrender.
We're waaay too tiny, and life is waaay too short to get caught up on one little person/situation. Put things into perspective: in 2 months, I promise you’ll be laughing and thanking god you dodged that bullet. Also, don't let your ego get in the way. "But I'm so pretty, how dare he, who does he think he is? I have 10 other boys in my DMs!" Of course you do girl, but none of that matters. Fckin Jay Z cheated on Beyonce... Anyways, back to the lesson: don't let that egoic way of thinking grab the wheel, don't take everything personally, and don't attach unnecessary meaning to trivial situations. Your perspective is much more important than the situation and you happen to be in charge of that. Always remember: The universe only has 3 answers: Yes, not now, and something better is on the way.
It’s time to take up a fckin hobby babes. Of course, you can take all the time to process things, re-enact every little convo, and daydream for hours, but after 4-5 days, do yourself a favor and put a stop to it: distract yourself! Dance manically to your favorite music, attend a new workout class, go clubbing, join Tinder? anything. Things come so much easier once you take them off the pedestal and go into unattached, receiving mode. Attract, don't chase! And remember: just because a thought enters your mind, it doesn't mean you need to believe it and let it take over. You hold the power to redirect your thinking. Where focus goes, energy flows. Might as well use that focus to glow up.
When you’re feeling bitter, angry, or sad, let it out. Scream your favorite songs, cry, or write him the angriest, female rage letter (of course don’t send it - but bonus points if you burn it after). You can also make a list of his icks (get creative) and block/mute him so that he doesn’t disturb your peace. Distance and time are the best doctors!
Damn, this was a rude yet refreshing wake-up call and I have one thing to say: city girls uppp.
I'm signing off to throw a 2000s one-person bedroom dance party but remember:
Have fun, be yourself unapologetically, take up space, be straightforward, take risks, make mistakes, live your life, and spread some love and crazy wherever you go!!
Share this with your struggling besties
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See you soon! mwahhh